Dreams and fantasies give us the ability to visualize and daydream, but at the core what truly sets them apart?
People would often look at me strange when I’d say this. Dreams are a culmination of goals or series of steps one can put into action to fulfill their vision and make it a reality. They are elements of our imagination that depicts what has a strong possibility of becoming true. Dreams are attainable. Dreams give us vision to see what is possible. This vision gives us unusual discernment to see what others may not see. On the other hand, fantasies are our imaginations running freely without any form of reality.
Growing up, I fantasized about becoming a famous pop singer and a pediatrician. Certainly, the latter position was probably more in my favor due to the odds of becoming famous (of course this is relatively speaking — no slight to my TikTok and Instagram famous folks out there). Yes, I could have pursued my pediatrician fantasy, but my heart was not in it. Why? Because science was not my favorite subject and I couldn’t imagine putting myself through additional years of study for medical school, so I soon gave up on that idea.
So how can we distinguish between dreams and fantasies?
Dreaming provides us with the ability to use our imaginations to create vision. I like to think of how architects create the blueprint for the design of a building from the client’s vision. If there isn’t a vision, then there’s no blueprint to create. And if there’s no blueprint to create, the architect can’t begin to act in starting on the design of the building. Without action the vision becomes pure fantasy.
Daydreaming can be good for us, but only to a point
Daydreams and fantasies are synonymous. Daydreaming is one of the ways for me to have mini retreats throughout the day. It allows me to escape momentarily and refresh. I am a firm believer that daydreams reveal something that’s missing from our lives, but it can be detrimental to a point where the daydream is replacing reality. In an instance where you want to create something or start a new project, you may already have the illusion that you’ve already done it or have a sense of accomplishment This type of thinking creates a false sense of reality.
When we begin to clutter up our minds with mental images of what could be it warps our thinking. Then we begin to express irritation and irrationality when things don’t go as planned because we’re simply allowing our fantasies, our imaginations to get the best of us. Now there is nothing wrong with imagination. Imagination has fueled great inventions from the first light bulb to battery operated vehicles. However, when we allow our imaginations to get into fantasyland it can lead to delusional thinking where there is no distinction between reality and the truth.
How Dreams and Fantasies Play Out in Daily Life
Dreams can come true, but you have to put in the work.
So, let’s say you’re in a mid-life career change and you want to pivot from being an accountant to a financial writer, you can start taking steps to see where you can practice this skillset. It begins by asking questions like, “Who can you network with to make this happen?” “Are there any ongoing writer’s workshops in the area to attain this goal?”
You would want to make a list of the requirements to make this dream a reality. Would you need to go back to school? How much are you willing to invest in yourself? Will you still be able to manage working full-time and raising family to pursue this dream?
Opposite from the example above would be a fantasy shifting from being an accountant to an NBA basketball player. The probability of playing in the NBA is less than one percent. In addition, there are innate attributes you need to succeed as well. One of these attributes requires height and of course there are exceptions, but these are few and far between.
Similarly, I recall a friend who joined the local church orchestra in hopes of learning how to play the violin. My friend along with others in the orchestra group worked and raised families full-time, but they all managed to show up for rehearsal faithfully. But when concert day arrived, the time spent during rehearsal was moot. The audience kindly and mercifully sat through each falling note. Surely, this wasn’t for lack of trying. I believe they put on their absolute best performance. However, I soon learned from the group that there wasn’t much practice outside of the classes. It takes time and deliberate practice (putting in the work) to get good at something or else the dream only becomes pure fantasy.
How Fantasy Plays Out in Relationships
I enjoy looking at science-fiction and fantasy movies. Some of my favorites come from Disney and Marvel. Most of the time the movies I’ve enjoyed are set in strange or grotesque settings that only someone with a vast imagination could conjure up! Think of how many dragons that spew fire that you’ve seen flying around.
Oh, the many strange settings we sometimes imagined ourselves or others in to satisfy our needs.
Remember when I noted earlier those fantasies that can lead us into delusional thinking? Well, this is befitting of relationships too. When the mind begins to conjure up mental images of something to fulfill a psychological need, this becomes fantasy. For instance, if I’m looking to another person to complete my life and I have an ideal version of that person due to fulfilling my own psychological need and self-esteem issues then I am in fantasyland. If one constantly ruminates or harps on an ideal version of another human being, it becomes harmful and causes grave disappointment when things don’t turn out exactly as imagined.
It’s unfair to impress your ideal version on anyone.
In essence, dreams are rooted in reality and implemented with action steps whereas fantasies are rooted in the ideal of something. Dreams can come true. But fantasies are better off left to the imagination of Disney and Marvel movies.